Perkawinan bergoyang: resep bagi jiwa dinikahi yang bahagia

Perkawinan bergoyang
ISBN: 9788122309867
Pengarang: Dr Jaideep Singh Chadha
Penerbit: Pustak Mahal (www.pustakmahal.com)

Anak : Mengambil dari buku

Suka saya mengatakan, kalau anak menjadi lebih tua, orang-tua mau melakukan hal mereka sendiri. Mereka lalai menyadari bahwa anak mereka tidak ingin mereka sekitar. Sejak dialog kesayangan dari orang-tua ialah ‘don’t melakukan ini dan don’t melakukan that’, yang anak hanya tidak mau mendengarkan ke yang mana pun lebih panjang. Mereka agak akan mempunyai teman dan waktu izin mereka sendiri di kelompok yang mengerti masalah mereka. Tiba-tiba, orang-tua tersadar bahwa tahun-tahun sudah berlalu cepat dan anak mereka sama sekali ditanam ke atas. Mereka mau dimasukkan ke dalam dunia mereka tetapi lalu terlalu terlambat. Anak sudah mencapai tahap tak ada kepulangan.

Mereka sudah mulai menaruh titik pada pada kawan sebaya mereka. Mereka jadi begitu tergantung di atas mereka yang terlupakan oleh mereka bahwa mereka mempunyai orang-tua juga yang bisa memberi nasehat yang lebih baik. Bagi mereka, nasehat yang terdapat dari orang-tua adalah yang kurang cerdas yang tua yang sama ‘do ini, melakukan itu, don’t melakukan that’ nasehat yang diberikan kepada mereka di masa kecil mereka. Oleh sebab itu mereka tidak menjadi rata meminta. Efek kawan sebaya adalah begitu banyak yang diurus oleh mereka mengikatkan diri pada jubah mereka juga. Oleh sebab itu merokok, minum minuman keras, dan penggunaan obat bergantung pada efek kelompok sebaya. Jika senior dan teman mereka mengambil bagian sama sekali barang ini lalu tidak apa-apa bagi mereka juga. Seks, kejahatan dan kekerasan adalah juga cabang seperti itu ketergantungan.

Saya sudah mempunyai percakapan dengan beberapa anak yang nanti kedapatan untuk minum, melakukan obat dan ke dalam kejahatan. Mereka bisa mengamuflase proses mereka yang dipikirkan begitu baik bahwa hampir mustahil mengira-ngirakan apa yang sedang dilakukan oleh mereka. Gadis lebih baik di penipuan.

Tidak adalah bahwa semua anak ke dalam aktivitas anti-sosial. Ada anak yang luar biasa besarnya cerdas dan yang sedang melakukan begitu baik di studi mereka dan di kelak kemudian hari di pekerjaan mereka. Mereka adalah pelaksana sejati. Kami mempunyai semua pujian bagi mereka dan macam mereka. Masalah adalah bahwa persentase kelompok yang lain begitu tinggi bahwa satu keajaiban mengapa mereka tidak mengambil toppers sebagai kawan sebaya mereka. Mengapa mereka selalu harus pergi sesudah baddy kelompok?

Pertanyaan yang tetap membekas ialah: • Do mereka berpikir bahwa mereka superior sampai pembangkitan orang-tua mereka atau malah yang dipunyai saudara laki-laki dan saudara perempuan tua mereka? • Do yang mendapat uang dan memperoleh tunjangan materialistis lebih berat dari semua dari pertimbangan lain bagi mereka? • How penting apakah keluarga kepada mereka? • How penting menikah? • How penting adalah anak? • How penting apakah seks terlebih dahulu adalah perkawinan? • Why melakukan anak pembangkitan modern menjadi oleh sebab itu enamoured dengan kejahatan dan uang cepat? • How serius apakah kegagalan di ujian bagi mereka dan bagaimana orang-tua sebaiknya menanganinya?

Let’s face it. Children are different these days. If I go back to my teen days, I can remember the shock that I got when I got to see my first tape recorder. I was 13 years old and could not fathom for the life of me how that revolving tape could produce such beautiful sounds.

My friend’s father had brought it from the States. So he called all of us to his house for a tea party and then demonstrated that marvellous gadget. I was presented with my first transistor radio as a prize when I passed my 10th exam in the first division. Today, it was in the papers that this student asked for the latest mobile phone after she passed her 10th exam. This happened after a time gap of 43 years.

The difference is that her photograph was in the newspaper and mine was not. My transistor radio costs Rs 800, while her mobile costs Rs 20000! In this generation, all children get what they demand for. This is just an example. Some parents must have bought their children cars or scooters or motorcycles. In my case, it was much later that I owned a tape recorder. If I remember correctly, I had already become a doctor by then. We went at a slower pace than children and youngsters of today. They have a head start. They start pressing buttons when they are toddlers.

Accordingly, they expect to be treated differently. Most likely, like adults. The problem arises with their parents because parents are not ready for the change. Children have changed, but not their parents.

The other day when a young father asked his 6-yearold son what he had learnt in his computer class in school, the son, to his father’s horror, promptly pressed a few buttons and logged on to a pornographic site. The father tried to act unaffected. He calmly asked him who taught him to do that. The son promptly said, “My seniors!”

“And how old are your seniors?” the father enquired. “Oh! Some are 7 and some are 8 years old!” So, the gentleman ventured one step ahead to find out what his son knew about the site. The son said, “They are just naked people (nangey log).” The father asked, “And?” “Bus! What else?” said the son.

My doctor friends were over from America and I asked them about the sexual knowledge of the young in the States. They said that most youngsters think that oral sex is not sex. This was a change after Mr Bill Clinton’s testimony! Everybody thinks that only penetrative sex is sex. So, they can be seen indulging in cunnilingus in schools or wherever they are comfortable and still not be ashamed or guilty.

As it is, they used to kiss any and everywhere! And their kisses were not of the garden variety. They were the soul-searching ones which were deep. For them, kissing lips and kissing a penis and vice-versa, is no different.

I remember, my friend living in England, used to come to stay in Chandigarh with his family every year. He had a British wife and two lovely children. One year, the daughter who was about 18 that year, showed me her tongue. Right in the middle of it was a metallic bead the size of a pea. I wondered what purpose that bead served. I have had, on occasion a single hair on my tongue and the effect was so unnerving that I had to remove it, no matter what. It was so irritating! And, this girl had a metal bead on her tongue, a screw penetrating it, secured with a nut on the other side!

And her father turns around and asks, “Darling! How on earth do you kiss your boyfriend with that thing there?” The daughter turns around and says, “No Dad! It doesn’t bother us at all! My boyfriend has one too. The only problem is that when we kiss, there are a few balls clanging!” And everyone laughed his guts out. I was embarrassed, for some reason. I was an outdated dad there. In the Indian scenario, we do not discuss these things with our children, least of all daughters. I would have been appalled had I known that my daughter has a boyfriend. Kissing??? Having sex??? I would have hit the roof and the result would have been a BANG! He is six feet under, and I am in lock up.

But that was ten years ago. Today, I would probably have reacted the way modern parents should. Am I sure?—Take a guess! And how should modern parents react? We know that children, as in infants, begin to discover their sexuality very early in their lives. Parents actively try to prevent the playing around with their sexual organs because the act embarrasses them.

When I was a child, my father was so stingy that he did not give me toys. I was lucky that I was a boy, so I had something to play with!

As the children grow, they discover the difference in each other and begin playing their doctor-doctor games. It is but natural that they progress with the physical discovery as time goes on. But when girls grow up, they have the inbuilt shyness quotient which prevents them from carrying on their doctor games. Some of them discover other girls, differences in breast sizes and other physical aspects. Though they are not gay in the parlance that is normally used, it is just a matter of discovery of the pleasure aspect of the human body. Boys do that too! But in the present generation, the shyness quotient is rather low while the attraction towards the opposite sex is high. Moreover, having boyfriends is the commonly followed norm.

There was a small boy who asked his father the usual embarrassing question, “Dad! How did you come into this world?” Dad says, “I was dropped off at my mom’s home by a stork.” “And dad, how did I come?” “Another stork dropped you off at our home.” Dad was feeling mightily pleased with himself till then. “Why dad, was there never a tradition of having sex in our family?”

Moral of the story is that the generation of today knows what is happening. Our job, as parents, is to have a frank discussion about sexuality and sex, the act, and…