Sucess is a good feeling

I was brought up as a child in a, what is now know as, a very dysfunctional family. By the age of Seven years I developed a severe speech impediment, I stuttered, badly. Bullies dogged all of my school years. Every time I open my mouth to try and speak, others in the class would laugh. I was constantly chased round the playground or when walking home from school by children who were mimicking my speech. Their older brothers and sister would push me back and forth shouting “Come on, get it out.” They would pull faces and make stupid sounds like “Ddddd… ddddd cccaaann yyyou ssppeakk llllike…. mmmme.” Then they would shout questions at me for me to answer but I couldn’t, the more upset I became the more I stuttered. I was never the one to put my hand up in class to give answers to questions asked by the teachers. This was of course recorded on my school reports as, ‘does not participate in class’.

As I grew up to be a teenager, I became quite a solitary young person, not much of a mixer, as my mother would say. Over the years I had become a target for their entire name calling and bullying and that didn’t stop, as I got older. I was afraid of people, afraid of having to talk to them, the stuttering hadn’t improved, just made me feel even worse if anything. I always made sure I was at the back of the class or any group get together as I noticed at a young age, that those at the front got called upon more, than those at the back. Needless to say, my education suffered and I left school with no qualifications at all.

As we lived in the country there was always lots of work in the fields, known as ‘ land work’ where I came from. You didn’t need an education to break your back working in the fields but the bullying still went on, merciless. So at fifteen my mother took me to a man who took gangs of women out to work in the fields and she got me my first job. I was thankful that you didn’t need to read or write to pick carrots or potatoes.

As I got older I wanted to work with children but my lack of education and my severe stuttering held me back all the time. So I started to go to literacy classes to improve my language skills and to find ways of improving the speech impediment. I would stand in front of the mirror when I was alone and try and speak to myself. The most difficult words for me to say were those that started with a vowel, or the number eight. I also realized that the stuttering would worsen if I became upset or anxious about anything, so breathing exercises and trying to stay calm helped. I never stuttered when I sang, so I would try to get a rhythm going in my voice. Speaking slow and in a monotone also helped.

Thirty years on and I am a working professional that has never stopped taking courses and learning, Now I am hoping to take a degree in English and am learning to play the melodeon (squeeze box) I have more qualifications than some of those I work for. I work with the police, social services the courts etc for the young people I still work with. My confidence has improved with the education and yes; I still have a speech impediment but it is minor and mostly when I am anxious or upset. My success is because I never gave up on myself, never allowed those bully to get the better of me.
I have lived a good clean life and helped anyone I could and I stand proud and tall and teach my daughter, always to have faith in herself, regardless of what others might say to or about her.