Teenagers!!

As a care worker in my younger years, I worked in children’s homes and consequently worked with hundreds of children/young people and their families.

I went on to become a youth worker, managed accommodation for young people on remand and for the probation service. In 1988 I became a Specialist Foster Career for the Social Services in Wiltshire, England. Since then I have lived and worked with, in my own home, over 300 children and young people. You would then imagine that there are no surprises left for some one like myself. Some one who has lived and worked with all types of personalities and behaviors, has experience just about every situation imaginable with children and young people. Well! You would be wrong, even now after all these years. I to still get taken by surprise! I too, get frustrated with the behavior of young people, I too get at my wits end as what to do next, who to turn to for help, support and yes, just a shoulder to lean on.

The truest words I have ever heard in all my years of experience are that children do not come with an instruction booklet or a hand manual. It is true to say, I have toyed with the idea of getting together such a booklet but with such a diversity of children/young people and their behaviors, there is no way one book could cover all. Then there are different environments, and how those different environments can affect their behavior and the way they are treated by society. I soon realized that the book would be so large and cumbersome that no one would be able to carry it, let alone read it. The most unproductive words I have ever heard are those of self-blame ie; “What did I do wrong” etc. Let me say right away, there is no right or wrong. What works with one child/ young person could be a total failure with another.

What we need to remember is, that these are children, children who trying to learn how to be adults. Whenever, we are in a learning situation during our life we make mistakes and that’s ok and that’s expected, because we are learning! These children and young people will also make mistakes, maybe many, maybe with our help, not too many.

What we as their careers, parents need to be concentrating on is maybe damage limitation-ie criminal record, baby to young, drugs or alcohol abuse There are a lot of influences out there and not all of them are good. Tell them of your dreams and fears for them, don’t put the goals too high but high enough to make them reach a little. Listen to them, treat them with respect, and dislike the bad behavior but never them as a person. Try to remember when you ask a question and they reply, “I don’t know”, they probably don’t!